There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
