I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
