please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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