Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
