I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I did not marry a roomba.
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