what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
