I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
