New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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