Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Couch. On fire.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
