why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
