Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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