I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
