I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
