oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
