she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
