I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
