I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
