oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
