I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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