Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
