I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
