remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am available for nakedness
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
