I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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