he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
