That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
