She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
