i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
