well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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