my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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