what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
