sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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