i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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