ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
