My hand turned me down
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
