Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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