I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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