Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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