better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
