Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
