Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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