and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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