I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
