Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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