She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I supernannyed him into submission
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
