I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
