I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
