My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Less talking, more tequila
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
