i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
