I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
