he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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