I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
