Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
