is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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